WRF2 : We Are Family Too

I am the youngest of 9 kids, now in my early 30’s. I have known since I was very young that there was something very different about me, listening to my older sisters as they got ready for a nite talking about how excited they were getting ready to meet their boyfriends or possible boyfriends… I never understood why I was so sad when I listened to them it always SEEMED like an excitiing time…

It wasnt until I was 24 yrs old that everythin kicked into place, I finally admitted to myself that I MIGHT like girls, maybe I should try and see how it feels.

I did, and it felt right. I had felt so sad all those times because of confusion and shame. Small town Ireland is still very hard to come out in.

I told my sister, my best friend, Eileen and she was so supportive and curious about everything, she wanted to know everybody in the Irish Gay community just so she could introduce me to people and help me with my coming out. As time went on I did come out, not to everyone though, its 8 years later and I’m still coming out, but I did tell my family eventually, all of them. All they are worried about is making sure I’m happy and healthy, same as they alway were. They are still protecting their baby sister, like I’m still under ten years old, but they are only now finding out how close I came to ending it fearing that they would hate me. They saved my life, in so many more ways than I can mention. They are not just a mother and brothers and sisters, they are friends. Best friends, who know the true me and still love and protect me.

- Trish mc Sweeney, Cork

Finally a post-family entry…

My family make me feel like I am the luckiest person alive. I have a beautiful partner and a beautiful daughter. I am privileged to be a parent and a partner. To have other people to support and share the joy and the struggles of life. That each member know that they are cherished and loved, even when there are arguments and difficulties. Its a wonderful thing and to always remember that, you never know how long you have got. Tell the people that are closest that you love them every day just in case.

- Fiona Clarke, Meath

To me, family is a group of people who love and support each other throughout life. Family is unconditional and something that is such a large part of my life. I moved to Dublin from a small country town trying to escape my old life, my lack of friends, being one of the few gays in the town, and I was looking forward to many new things happening in my life.

I loved the big city, the bright lights, the hustle and bustle of the areas but I always wished my family were here with me so I wouldn’t feel so alone and isolated. I love my family, they support me and I still learn things from them, even though I still remain stubborn about it. My granny who lives with my family back home would always say “Respect your mother and don’t dare bite the hand that feeds you or God help you” which I still find funny but I still agree with it.

I’m nothing without my family or friends. I consider my friends a family because we’re like a larger group of families that care for each other, and also people I can confide in when struggling to admit things to my parents – being gay was a main part of that. The day I outed myself to my parents my father turned to me and said “I’ll always love you no matter what” which really reinforced my ideas of unconditional love.

Family is much more than your parents, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, and cousins, it’s a community of loving and caring people who will always be there for you.

- Mark Hughes, Louth

They are my world. Without them the oxygen and sunlight is pointless.

- Keith Brennan, Dublin

I’m from a big family. It used to be just my parents and seven kids. But then about thirteen years ago we started fostering. So at one stage there were twelve in the family, then fourteen, then back down to ten.

It’s a moveable feast.

People say a family that prays together, stays together. For me it’s a family that eats together, stays together!

We have a huge kitchen table. At Christmas two years ago there were fifteen at the table and my mother said how lovely it was to have the whole family together! Around the table sat two polish smallies who were with us for two years. They introduced us to smoked sausage, zupa and pierogi (gorgeous dumplings with sweet or savoury filling). And we gave them Tom Ka Gai, a Thai chicken soup that my eldest sister Ettie loves to make. We absolutely adore them; they were completely part of the family and still are. We have built up a great relationship with their mother over the years and she sees us as part of her extended family; people she can call on when she needs a hand or a few days off. They’re my annoying little siblings and I’m their older sister who plaits their hair and makes biscuits with them.

One of my sisters is originally from Jamaica and is probably the reason we all eat plantain (a starchy banana type vegetable). She’s completely part of the family and even claims that she has inherited some of her personality traits from our Granddad!

Our parents have always lead by example and provide a loving and secure home for everyone that passes through the house. We all grew up naturally accepting that you can add to the family as you go along and it makes for a richer life for everyone.

Family is the people that you hang around with and love unconditionally. The people that you would do anything for, and they would do anything for you. The glue that holds the family together is love and maybe a good pot of Thai chicken soup.

- Lilly Higgins, Cork

Unsurprisingly this  Ballymaloe trained chef who also taught at Ballymaloe Cookery School, is an excellent and creative cook…

I’ve been saying that I wanted someone to contribute with “What Family Means To Me” by means of interpretative dance. This part of the Dublin Pride parade is the closest so far.

There are many different definitions available for the word family:

a social unit living together,
primary social group; parents and children,
a person having kinship with another or others

Family to me is much more the last of those three definitions.

I have kinship with my mother – because it is she who raised me.
I have kinship with my father – because he guided me when needed.
I have kinship with my brother and sisters – because without each other we wouldn’t be the people we are now.
I have kinship with my friends – because we love and support each other through difficult times.

Family is much more than people that share your genetic structure. In fact some people never meet their biological “family” some people are adopted, grow up in state care or are fostered. This doesn’t mean they don’t have a family.

I have a large family – a family that has been forged over time that consists of not only blood relations.

To me family is the people you share your life with.

- Ben Slimm, Kerry
Reproduced from is blog with permission.

My mammy said to me the morning after the coming out nightmare: “Ye are what ye are, son, and if no-one else likes it then f**k ‘em!” That’s what family means to me!! 

- James Doherty, Former President of the National Union of Journalists, UK and Ireland

Words alone are not enough to explain what family means to me
- Barry Price, Dublin