WRF2 : We Are Family Too

I am the youngest of 9 kids, now in my early 30’s. I have known since I was very young that there was something very different about me, listening to my older sisters as they got ready for a nite talking about how excited they were getting ready to meet their boyfriends or possible boyfriends… I never understood why I was so sad when I listened to them it always SEEMED like an excitiing time…

It wasnt until I was 24 yrs old that everythin kicked into place, I finally admitted to myself that I MIGHT like girls, maybe I should try and see how it feels.

I did, and it felt right. I had felt so sad all those times because of confusion and shame. Small town Ireland is still very hard to come out in.

I told my sister, my best friend, Eileen and she was so supportive and curious about everything, she wanted to know everybody in the Irish Gay community just so she could introduce me to people and help me with my coming out. As time went on I did come out, not to everyone though, its 8 years later and I’m still coming out, but I did tell my family eventually, all of them. All they are worried about is making sure I’m happy and healthy, same as they alway were. They are still protecting their baby sister, like I’m still under ten years old, but they are only now finding out how close I came to ending it fearing that they would hate me. They saved my life, in so many more ways than I can mention. They are not just a mother and brothers and sisters, they are friends. Best friends, who know the true me and still love and protect me.

- Trish mc Sweeney, Cork

Finally a post-family entry…

My family make me feel like I am the luckiest person alive. I have a beautiful partner and a beautiful daughter. I am privileged to be a parent and a partner. To have other people to support and share the joy and the struggles of life. That each member know that they are cherished and loved, even when there are arguments and difficulties. Its a wonderful thing and to always remember that, you never know how long you have got. Tell the people that are closest that you love them every day just in case.

- Fiona Clarke, Meath

To me, family is a group of people who love and support each other throughout life. Family is unconditional and something that is such a large part of my life. I moved to Dublin from a small country town trying to escape my old life, my lack of friends, being one of the few gays in the town, and I was looking forward to many new things happening in my life.

I loved the big city, the bright lights, the hustle and bustle of the areas but I always wished my family were here with me so I wouldn’t feel so alone and isolated. I love my family, they support me and I still learn things from them, even though I still remain stubborn about it. My granny who lives with my family back home would always say “Respect your mother and don’t dare bite the hand that feeds you or God help you” which I still find funny but I still agree with it.

I’m nothing without my family or friends. I consider my friends a family because we’re like a larger group of families that care for each other, and also people I can confide in when struggling to admit things to my parents – being gay was a main part of that. The day I outed myself to my parents my father turned to me and said “I’ll always love you no matter what” which really reinforced my ideas of unconditional love.

Family is much more than your parents, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, and cousins, it’s a community of loving and caring people who will always be there for you.

- Mark Hughes, Louth

They are my world. Without them the oxygen and sunlight is pointless.

- Keith Brennan, Dublin

There are many different definitions available for the word family:

a social unit living together,
primary social group; parents and children,
a person having kinship with another or others

Family to me is much more the last of those three definitions.

I have kinship with my mother – because it is she who raised me.
I have kinship with my father – because he guided me when needed.
I have kinship with my brother and sisters – because without each other we wouldn’t be the people we are now.
I have kinship with my friends – because we love and support each other through difficult times.

Family is much more than people that share your genetic structure. In fact some people never meet their biological “family” some people are adopted, grow up in state care or are fostered. This doesn’t mean they don’t have a family.

I have a large family – a family that has been forged over time that consists of not only blood relations.

To me family is the people you share your life with.

- Ben Slimm, Kerry
Reproduced from is blog with permission.

My mammy said to me the morning after the coming out nightmare: “Ye are what ye are, son, and if no-one else likes it then f**k ‘em!” That’s what family means to me!! 

- James Doherty, Former President of the National Union of Journalists, UK and Ireland

Words alone are not enough to explain what family means to me
- Barry Price, Dublin

“Recently returning to live at home after four years away has been an enlightening experience and something I would not change. Well for the moment anyway.

For me, my family is the centre of my universe – my sun, moon and guiding stars. My family gives me the gift of love every single hour of every day – generally unconditionally unless there are chores to be done.

Regardless of chores, I love them.

Without my family, life would be meaningless to me. I would have nobody to discuss the intricities of GAA or why I should not plant a Clematis plant in such a small pot because it will not grow properly. Nor would my understanding of the effects of the seasons be as heightened as it is. As I live on a farm, I can just about make out when a cow is ‘bulling’ or a calf is sick or when a horse has a sore foot or that holly trees only grow berries when there are pairs together. All of these little things make my family life richer and it is richer because of the constant-ness of love.

Family provides stability. It provides the basic building blocks for devotion, loyalty and friendship. It is hardly any wonder then, that the historical family unit is so hotly contested given the wealth of positive attributes which are given to it. That said, the composition of family units can and do change. The stability a loving family is what is key. Love is the key to stability and acceptance of love in all its forms is what makes families work.”

- John/The Angry Hedgehog, Tipperary

Conor Pendergrast is a perfectly normal twenty-something with loving parents and a little brother. He also embodies not just the theme of “We Are Family Too” but a huge chunk of Dublin Pride’s spirit of the theme. Why? His parents names are Anne and Bernadette.

He kindly agreed to write about “What Family Means To Me” on his own blog. I’m only going to reproduce part of his “We Are Family Too” post here. I would encourage you to go directly to his blog post and read it. And read more about him and his family while you are there.

I guess it means love, security and warmth. It means having people around you. We’re a pretty close-knit family I reckon. Working together makes it difficult at times, but that’s pretty normal! Family to me means whatever we decide to make it. It doesn’t matter to me that people think my parents shouldn’t have children, or even that they shouldn’t have a legally recognised relationship. Try telling me that my mums don’t deserve recognition for staying together thirty years, for raising four cats, two dogs, a pony, a horse, countless chickens, rabbits, fish and two children. They’ve done a damn good job. They’ve provided for us for the last 24 years of my life and I know they’ll give me the support I need whenever I ask for it – and even when I don’t.

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We aren’t perfect, but I’m pretty sure none of us care. We love each other and that’s far more important than any stepping-stone legislation, any discriminatory escape clause, any pompous self-serving religious and political figures, any idiot arguing from morals on an issue of rights.

We are family too – even if you don’t think we are.

Read the rest of Conor Pendergrast’s WRF2 article.