WRF2 : We Are Family Too

I’m from a big family. It used to be just my parents and seven kids. But then about thirteen years ago we started fostering. So at one stage there were twelve in the family, then fourteen, then back down to ten.

It’s a moveable feast.

People say a family that prays together, stays together. For me it’s a family that eats together, stays together!

We have a huge kitchen table. At Christmas two years ago there were fifteen at the table and my mother said how lovely it was to have the whole family together! Around the table sat two polish smallies who were with us for two years. They introduced us to smoked sausage, zupa and pierogi (gorgeous dumplings with sweet or savoury filling). And we gave them Tom Ka Gai, a Thai chicken soup that my eldest sister Ettie loves to make. We absolutely adore them; they were completely part of the family and still are. We have built up a great relationship with their mother over the years and she sees us as part of her extended family; people she can call on when she needs a hand or a few days off. They’re my annoying little siblings and I’m their older sister who plaits their hair and makes biscuits with them.

One of my sisters is originally from Jamaica and is probably the reason we all eat plantain (a starchy banana type vegetable). She’s completely part of the family and even claims that she has inherited some of her personality traits from our Granddad!

Our parents have always lead by example and provide a loving and secure home for everyone that passes through the house. We all grew up naturally accepting that you can add to the family as you go along and it makes for a richer life for everyone.

Family is the people that you hang around with and love unconditionally. The people that you would do anything for, and they would do anything for you. The glue that holds the family together is love and maybe a good pot of Thai chicken soup.

- Lilly Higgins, Cork

Unsurprisingly this  Ballymaloe trained chef who also taught at Ballymaloe Cookery School, is an excellent and creative cook…

Conor Pendergrast is a perfectly normal twenty-something with loving parents and a little brother. He also embodies not just the theme of “We Are Family Too” but a huge chunk of Dublin Pride’s spirit of the theme. Why? His parents names are Anne and Bernadette.

He kindly agreed to write about “What Family Means To Me” on his own blog. I’m only going to reproduce part of his “We Are Family Too” post here. I would encourage you to go directly to his blog post and read it. And read more about him and his family while you are there.

I guess it means love, security and warmth. It means having people around you. We’re a pretty close-knit family I reckon. Working together makes it difficult at times, but that’s pretty normal! Family to me means whatever we decide to make it. It doesn’t matter to me that people think my parents shouldn’t have children, or even that they shouldn’t have a legally recognised relationship. Try telling me that my mums don’t deserve recognition for staying together thirty years, for raising four cats, two dogs, a pony, a horse, countless chickens, rabbits, fish and two children. They’ve done a damn good job. They’ve provided for us for the last 24 years of my life and I know they’ll give me the support I need whenever I ask for it – and even when I don’t.

[...]

We aren’t perfect, but I’m pretty sure none of us care. We love each other and that’s far more important than any stepping-stone legislation, any discriminatory escape clause, any pompous self-serving religious and political figures, any idiot arguing from morals on an issue of rights.

We are family too – even if you don’t think we are.

Read the rest of Conor Pendergrast’s WRF2 article.

The nuclear family of the modern age is a media myth created by the American television comedy programmes of the 1950s and 1960s. The ‘happy family’ caricature was mother and father, son and daughter and Lassie the dog.

My parents came from Newry and Dundalk. I have four brothers and one sister. When I last counted I had more than 35 first cousins. Our home was in Dublin and so was the automatic port of call when aunts, uncles and cousins came to town.

My large extended family comes in all shapes and sizes, hairstyles, opinions, religious beliefs, occupations, sexual orientations, political passions, extraordinary obsessions, genders, ages, annoying habits and predictable behaviour. I am more than happy to be a member of it.

I believe that most, if not all families, are genetically programmed to love each other. That does not mean that we like each other! Liking one another’s company is an added bonus.

- Ruairi Quinn, TD

The idea of ‘family’ has become a political issue. For me, the basic principle is that families take many different forms but they should be treated equally. That is true whether a family is founded on a gay or straight relationship, or whether it is non-marital or marital. It is a matter for each individual family whether ‘family’ includes children, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles – or not. What matters is the familial bond between individuals, not the form the family takes.’

- Senator Ivana Bacik, Dublin

The word ‘family’ cannot be translated easily into Irish. ‘Clann,’ ‘muintir’ and ‘teaghlach’ all refer to different types of family; from your children, to your household, to all the aunts, uncles, grannies, granddads and pet goldfish that were ever connected to you.

My own family, the Butlers, were once known to be of noble stock. Thomas Butler, the 10th Earl of Ormonde, died in 1614, yet he is the absolute image of my uncle PJ (who’s still quite alive) and with that the concept of family is maintained throughout the generations. My mother and her father, both of the Uí Cheallaigh, passed down their love of Gaelic culture to me as a child; from the stories of Cú Chulainn and Tír na nÓg to the music and the language itself. Both sides of my parent’s heritage give me a great sense of pride and belonging; in the family, in my hometown (as all of my father’s family moved to Clontarf when he was a child) and in Ireland as a whole. This pride is, I feel, something essential to a stable, confident character.

As an only child, however, my concept of family was always fluid. It depended on the day, on who I was visiting, or who I was out playing in the garden with. As an only child, I sometimes liked to call my best friends my brothers or sisters, as I sometimes felt left out that I never had any. As I grew up, I realised that some of my friends were better than any blood sibling.

Family itself, however, is quite fluid. New members are born, some pass on, some get married (well, those who can…!) and you can also become accepted and almost adopted by another family, especially if that family is of your partner. Your boy/girlfriend’s brother and sister can quickly become as close to you as your own siblings, depending on how close your boy/girlfriend is to them. That’s without mentioning the drama that will always come with the thought of ‘in-laws’!

They say that you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Sometimes, fate plays as much of a part in who you’re related to as who you end up growing up with, or sharing your life with. The LGBT community is something like a family. You get on with some, avoid some and barely even recognise others. The actions of a family member will always have some sort of impact on you, even if that reaction is an unconscious one. With that in mind, the LGBT community affects the Butlers, muintir Uí Cheallaigh, and each and every other family on this island. We – the Irish LGBT ­– are family, too.

- Scott De Buitléir, Presenter of ‘The Cosmo’ on RTÉ Pulse

Family is more than just blood, in fact some times you can have blood relationships with people but not consider them part of your real “family”. My parents and brother are family, my kids are, of course, but so is my partner and a couple of my closest friends.

– Rick O’Shea, 2FM DJ and patron of Brainwave.