WRF2 : We Are Family Too

I am the youngest of 9 kids, now in my early 30’s. I have known since I was very young that there was something very different about me, listening to my older sisters as they got ready for a nite talking about how excited they were getting ready to meet their boyfriends or possible boyfriends… I never understood why I was so sad when I listened to them it always SEEMED like an excitiing time…

It wasnt until I was 24 yrs old that everythin kicked into place, I finally admitted to myself that I MIGHT like girls, maybe I should try and see how it feels.

I did, and it felt right. I had felt so sad all those times because of confusion and shame. Small town Ireland is still very hard to come out in.

I told my sister, my best friend, Eileen and she was so supportive and curious about everything, she wanted to know everybody in the Irish Gay community just so she could introduce me to people and help me with my coming out. As time went on I did come out, not to everyone though, its 8 years later and I’m still coming out, but I did tell my family eventually, all of them. All they are worried about is making sure I’m happy and healthy, same as they alway were. They are still protecting their baby sister, like I’m still under ten years old, but they are only now finding out how close I came to ending it fearing that they would hate me. They saved my life, in so many more ways than I can mention. They are not just a mother and brothers and sisters, they are friends. Best friends, who know the true me and still love and protect me.

- Trish mc Sweeney, Cork

I’m from a big family. It used to be just my parents and seven kids. But then about thirteen years ago we started fostering. So at one stage there were twelve in the family, then fourteen, then back down to ten.

It’s a moveable feast.

People say a family that prays together, stays together. For me it’s a family that eats together, stays together!

We have a huge kitchen table. At Christmas two years ago there were fifteen at the table and my mother said how lovely it was to have the whole family together! Around the table sat two polish smallies who were with us for two years. They introduced us to smoked sausage, zupa and pierogi (gorgeous dumplings with sweet or savoury filling). And we gave them Tom Ka Gai, a Thai chicken soup that my eldest sister Ettie loves to make. We absolutely adore them; they were completely part of the family and still are. We have built up a great relationship with their mother over the years and she sees us as part of her extended family; people she can call on when she needs a hand or a few days off. They’re my annoying little siblings and I’m their older sister who plaits their hair and makes biscuits with them.

One of my sisters is originally from Jamaica and is probably the reason we all eat plantain (a starchy banana type vegetable). She’s completely part of the family and even claims that she has inherited some of her personality traits from our Granddad!

Our parents have always lead by example and provide a loving and secure home for everyone that passes through the house. We all grew up naturally accepting that you can add to the family as you go along and it makes for a richer life for everyone.

Family is the people that you hang around with and love unconditionally. The people that you would do anything for, and they would do anything for you. The glue that holds the family together is love and maybe a good pot of Thai chicken soup.

- Lilly Higgins, Cork

Unsurprisingly this  Ballymaloe trained chef who also taught at Ballymaloe Cookery School, is an excellent and creative cook…

“Family to me isn’t just what you are born into, but the people you take into your life to become part of yours. I have sisters and parents that I love but also friends who are indispensable.

More than that, I’ve a partner who is just that, a man who I want to share my life with regardless of concerns such as marriage or children. Soul mates isn’t a concept I subscribe to, believing that no one can complete you except yourself but for someone to share the journey with, I’d ask for no one else.

So I guess the old expression ‘blood is thicker than water, so harder to get out of the carpets’ holds true slightly. I love my family, but I wouldn’t be the man I am without the family I’ve taken on regardless of how they came to find me.”

- Charles, Cork

What does family mean to me? Well it entirely depends on the context of the word.

When people ask about my family, I know they are talking about my parents and my sister. Sometimes that family can be wider to include my Grandmother, but by and large it is static.

When I think of my family I think of the same.

When I think of the family I want, that is when my view changes.

The family I want looks something like this.

Me
My Partner
Children

Not so different to the one I grew up with, but with a few differences. My Partner is also male. And the family is not based on marriage, but on a Civil Partnership.

This family is as loving as the one I grew up in. It is as nurturing and inspiring as the one I grew up in.

Why can’t I have a family like that?”

– Stephen Spillane, Cork