WRF2 : We Are Family Too

My family make me feel like I am the luckiest person alive. I have a beautiful partner and a beautiful daughter. I am privileged to be a parent and a partner. To have other people to support and share the joy and the struggles of life. That each member know that they are cherished and loved, even when there are arguments and difficulties. Its a wonderful thing and to always remember that, you never know how long you have got. Tell the people that are closest that you love them every day just in case.

- Fiona Clarke, Meath

To me, family is a group of people who love and support each other throughout life. Family is unconditional and something that is such a large part of my life. I moved to Dublin from a small country town trying to escape my old life, my lack of friends, being one of the few gays in the town, and I was looking forward to many new things happening in my life.

I loved the big city, the bright lights, the hustle and bustle of the areas but I always wished my family were here with me so I wouldn’t feel so alone and isolated. I love my family, they support me and I still learn things from them, even though I still remain stubborn about it. My granny who lives with my family back home would always say “Respect your mother and don’t dare bite the hand that feeds you or God help you” which I still find funny but I still agree with it.

I’m nothing without my family or friends. I consider my friends a family because we’re like a larger group of families that care for each other, and also people I can confide in when struggling to admit things to my parents – being gay was a main part of that. The day I outed myself to my parents my father turned to me and said “I’ll always love you no matter what” which really reinforced my ideas of unconditional love.

Family is much more than your parents, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, and cousins, it’s a community of loving and caring people who will always be there for you.

- Mark Hughes, Louth

I’m from a big family. It used to be just my parents and seven kids. But then about thirteen years ago we started fostering. So at one stage there were twelve in the family, then fourteen, then back down to ten.

It’s a moveable feast.

People say a family that prays together, stays together. For me it’s a family that eats together, stays together!

We have a huge kitchen table. At Christmas two years ago there were fifteen at the table and my mother said how lovely it was to have the whole family together! Around the table sat two polish smallies who were with us for two years. They introduced us to smoked sausage, zupa and pierogi (gorgeous dumplings with sweet or savoury filling). And we gave them Tom Ka Gai, a Thai chicken soup that my eldest sister Ettie loves to make. We absolutely adore them; they were completely part of the family and still are. We have built up a great relationship with their mother over the years and she sees us as part of her extended family; people she can call on when she needs a hand or a few days off. They’re my annoying little siblings and I’m their older sister who plaits their hair and makes biscuits with them.

One of my sisters is originally from Jamaica and is probably the reason we all eat plantain (a starchy banana type vegetable). She’s completely part of the family and even claims that she has inherited some of her personality traits from our Granddad!

Our parents have always lead by example and provide a loving and secure home for everyone that passes through the house. We all grew up naturally accepting that you can add to the family as you go along and it makes for a richer life for everyone.

Family is the people that you hang around with and love unconditionally. The people that you would do anything for, and they would do anything for you. The glue that holds the family together is love and maybe a good pot of Thai chicken soup.

- Lilly Higgins, Cork

Unsurprisingly this  Ballymaloe trained chef who also taught at Ballymaloe Cookery School, is an excellent and creative cook…

“Recently returning to live at home after four years away has been an enlightening experience and something I would not change. Well for the moment anyway.

For me, my family is the centre of my universe – my sun, moon and guiding stars. My family gives me the gift of love every single hour of every day – generally unconditionally unless there are chores to be done.

Regardless of chores, I love them.

Without my family, life would be meaningless to me. I would have nobody to discuss the intricities of GAA or why I should not plant a Clematis plant in such a small pot because it will not grow properly. Nor would my understanding of the effects of the seasons be as heightened as it is. As I live on a farm, I can just about make out when a cow is ‘bulling’ or a calf is sick or when a horse has a sore foot or that holly trees only grow berries when there are pairs together. All of these little things make my family life richer and it is richer because of the constant-ness of love.

Family provides stability. It provides the basic building blocks for devotion, loyalty and friendship. It is hardly any wonder then, that the historical family unit is so hotly contested given the wealth of positive attributes which are given to it. That said, the composition of family units can and do change. The stability a loving family is what is key. Love is the key to stability and acceptance of love in all its forms is what makes families work.”

- John/The Angry Hedgehog, Tipperary

 - Chris O’Hea, Cork

Last month my uncle died from cancer. He had been putting up the fight of his life for thirteen years. Over those years I only seen him a few times. He was a taxi driver, a huge family man, kind and an Elvis fan. Every time the future began to look bright again, the cancer came back stronger each time.

Over the past two years his condition went downhill and we didn’t know when but we knew the end was in sight. My family had always visited him and gave him the love and the support he needed when he was at his lowest points. What amazed me and what showed me what family really meant during the last weeks of my uncles life was how my mother and her brothers and sisters came together and helped each other through this difficult time. They were all up around his bedside everyday. They talked to him even though his sight, speech and mobility had gone. Sometimes if they were lucky he would show a sign that he was listening. The only things keeping my uncle alive were his hearing, his heart and his family.

My mother would come home for a rest and go straight back up to him. She told us how he was and how every night they were in his house the nurse would tell them to say their goodbyes, but he just wouldn’t let go.

What family means to me is being there for each other in the hardest of times, it means pulling together and facing what life throws at us, family means holding on until the very last second. My mother told us that they told him it was alright to let go, because they didn’t understand why my uncle held on for so long at the end. But i believe he held on until he knew that his brothers and sisters and his family would be alright as long as they had each other.

This Sunday my family are going to my uncles grave for his birthday. A dove will be released and balloons held by my uncles brothers and sisters will float gently up to the heavens with their love for him.

Family to me is this.

- Jen Gore,  Dublin

When I was young it was my brother, sisters, and parents. I was the youngest in my household so I would depend on them and they were always there for me no matter what. I felt part of a loving environment and knew that what ever happens down the road I would have the support of my family.

As I grew so did my family, friends became more like siblings, we all watch out for each other and all have love for one another. If one of us were in need the rest would lend a hand and have a shoulder to cry on or a level head to give advice. I live with four very close friends at the minute who I am happy to call part of my family.

But I can’t help think on the future, when they will be all married off and having families of there own… Will I find a partner? Will we be allowed to get married? Have kids? Will our laws protect my children like they would of the children of my friends? Will our kids be made fun of for having two dad’s?

However life turns out for me I know I will have the support and love of my family, but still would like the chance to start my own some day to love and share my life with them.

- Joe Mulrennan, Roscommon

F – FUTURE Entitlements the same as everyone else in Ireland
A – ACCEPTANCE by Friends, Family and Neighbours
M – MUTUAL Respect given to gay people in the workplace
I – IRISH Gay Marriage Bill Passed by the Government
L – LOVE expressed with your partner in public comfortably
Y – YOUTH of today made aware at school of Gay Rights

- Pam, Dublin

“Family to me will always be that kooky bunch of strange friends, that may not always see my point, but will always be there to pick me up and cheer me on.

My family means the world to me they are my teachers, my friends, my peers and students, we learn together and grow together; we are the ever changing group, not just by blood but by friendship, unity and exploration.

My family is huge … it is every person I have ever loved and everyone I ever will, it is bloodlines, and friendships, its marriages and unions. Its everything I’ve ever been and everything I’ve yet to discover, family knows no bounds”

– Gilly Pardy, Dublin

“Family means love, support, security, safe. Family is a secure environment to be yourself around those you love, a place to grow.
Family is parents and children together.

If straight couples can adopt children & artificially get pregnant to create their “”family”", then why can’t we!”

- Julie Stimpson, Dublin